NXTing

[opera142]

Matt Stryker hauls 'em all out in their shiny panties and makes them line up according to their ranking. They dare not break form as Stryker delivers verbal humiliation and gets all grabby hands.

Their first task: the lugging and bringing forth of kegs. Farm chores! Steph! Wigglebritches! Pretty boys running around in the their panties doing menial tasks. It's more than I ever dared dream.

The winner is Heath Slater. His prize is the right to personally serve Kane for the night. Kane is crabby because who wouldn't want Justin Gabriel as their 24-hour boytoy? After Kane yells and hints at fire play, Heath is all, what's my safe word????!

The Raw rewind reminded us that David likes to snuffle Cena's shorts. And there's a final chapter of Sometimes A Mullet: A Shawn Michaels retrospective. Chapter 6: Gird on the Gospel armour of Faith. And Hope and Love. And when the combat's ended, He'll carry you above.

Daniel vs. Darren. Daniel jobs. But that's only a snippet of the humiliation games to come. Michael Cole of all fuddy-duddy tops calls him out on his eating habits, his twitterings and his unmanliness (actually, check out Daniel Bryan-Bryan Danielson's Twitter. It's awesome).

Justin twirls out for his match. Cartwheels into the ring! Tanned tummy, unfortunate hair. Accent perfect for stand-in butlering. IM JUST SAYING. Wins with a 450 splash. Then he hurries out. He and his tiny vinyl panties have many chores to attend to.

Dammit! Another draft in two weeks. Christian to Smackdown. Carlito too. NO OTHER CHANGES.

Otunga, in M. Hardy's Royal Life hoodie wrestles Jericho's Butler. Who I have decided is a perverted, devious yet craven noble forced to masquerade as a butler for sinister and sexy purposes.

Also, tall, British, handsome and a haircut from the 20's rings my vanilla bells. Plus, he said "Second place is the first loser."

Random story about me, glorious me. Years ago, I was in crazy-love with this dude "C". I say crazy-love because that's what it was. Crazy, no-good love. C was waivering between me and another chick, and rather than see that for the grossness it was, I was MINE MINE U MUST B MINE. Ugh. Anyway, as these stories always go, he picked the other chick. Picked her and told me, "You came in a really close second."

Because I was so batshit over the dude, what he said was LE DEVASTATING instead of, you know, Wrong motherfucker. I didn't get second place; I'm the motherfucking prize, motherfucker. The Prize.

Anyway, he told me that at work (we worked overnights together at a hotel). The next morning, I'm in the locker room, changing into work-out clothes. (I liked to run after work to help me wind down and sleep better during the day)The t-shirt I pulled out of my locker was one of those BadBoy T's and it said: Second Place Is the First Loser.

WAHHHHHH. I balled and muttered about mocking myself. Later as I realized the affair had been more about crazy than love, I took "Second Place Is the First Loser" as a mantra. Remember: I AM THE PRIZE

Talking about myself made me forget who won. Sorry.

Mainevent was Heath subbing to Kane. Lots of slaps and terrified looks, then jobbing, sweet come-stained jobbing.

Comments

[wishtheworst.livejournal.com]

Then he hurries out. He and his tiny vinyl panties have many chores to attend to.

Problematically this suggests that J. Gabriel (who no longer wears his ridiculous outfits much to my sadness) is waxing M. Hardy's floors and perhaps fetching his mail. I am curious to see how you feel about this situation.

Unless of course it's all a ruse and everyone just butlers William Regal all the time.

Need I make a WWE-As-Opera-Sees-It flowchart?

[opera142.livejournal.com]

Obviously, J.Gabriel's doing M.Hardy's chores for Taker. The outfits have disappeared because even when Steph giveth, she has to taketh away too.

Only Jericho butlers for Regal. You of all OTPCHATFICLOL people should know this.

Re: Need I make a WWE-As-Opera-Sees-It flowchart?

[wishtheworst.livejournal.com]

You know that if you made a flowchart it would be one of the happiest days of my life.

However, this hierarchy delights me!