Bob Barker Goes Raw

[opera142]

Raw began oh-so lusciously with a half-naked, bruised, and tagged Chris Jericho forced into an orgy/Price Is Right scenario. Santino, playing the role of bratty, schoolgirl sub, pretended not to get anything. Which drew Master Bob's ire. "Ain't no vowels here. I don't see no Vanna White. Sucka, you got to bid!"

Jericho got full-out humiliation drama with Bob yelling at everyone, "He's being naughty. He's acting shamefully! Naughty! You need a spanking. I should take you over my knee."

Vapors.

And of course, that got Bob playing favorites which meant Chris won the prize (Dvd: Pudding Wars 8) and got to oil up and wrestle hunky MVP. Oh, and if he wins the match, he also wins a trip to Hawaii (to visit Twig and Batista YAY).

MVP, proving faces are dicks in Wrestleville, didn't lay down and let Chris win a trip. Then again, I probably wouldn't lay down for the jerks I know either.

Backstage, DX hung with Master Bob and Darque Mistress Kyllee Kyllee. They hemmed and hawed at having to spin the big Price Is Right Wheel to determine their opponents. Bob Barker had two words for them: Spin it.

HBK ended up with Chris Masters.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

HHH hit the pantless jackpot with Young Randall.

At the 38-minute mark, the 3rd overlong highlight package played. I WATCH ALL THE TIME I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TWO DAYS AGO SHEESH STEPH SHEESH. When they finally got back to wrestling, Evan Bourne and Hornswoggle jerked over Chavo, cheating so the poor man wouldn't win a Corvette.

Cody and Cena had a "Does My Fast Forward Button Still Work? YEP IT DOES" match.

Santino won the next round of bidding, but without naked!bullied!Jericho, my interest wanned. He won a trip to Wrestlemania, and if he won his match, he'd win a hot tub. Bellas not included. His match was against Big Show. Santino losts in seconds. Mark Henry showed up, and everything was large and red and he and Show spent 20 minutes trying to lift each other.

Next week: TRISH!

This week: NO JACK SWAGGER SHEESH STEPH SHEESH.

Triple H claimed Randy and Masters were the Sigfried and Roy of the WWE, and that DX were the white tigers hanging off their jugulars. HBK then wondered whose bright idea was it to put a window in front of the sun.

Then there was brawling. Well, Randy slithered and brawled. Pantlessly. Emotionlessly. Oh young Randall. Eventually Masters ate the pin, as we all knew he would. Cody and Teddy showed up to rescue fair Randall who needed no rescuing. He did while DX scampered after Cody and Teddy. Look out guy at the taco stand, it's arena-based brawling. Fully interactive environments! Real time game play! Cody and Teddy confused Raw Vs. Smackdown with Grand Theft Auto, and stole themselves a car. Ted Sr. and Dusty won't like that. Cowboy is used to it.


Back in the ring, Randy RKO'd Cena then dry-humped him 'til the lights dimmed.