All things rasslin'
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
opera142Stolen from someone who stole it from a newz site: ... JBL was trying to bully [ETA: Joey]Styles with a lot of condescending comments and actions, including allegedly spilling a drink on Styles on purpose. JBL was more or less pulling a lot of the shenanigans that a lot of of the performers in the company can't stand but deal with since he has the political stroke of being a tenured veteran.
Several days into the tour, JBL (who by all accounts, had been drinking) did something that caused Styles to physically retaliate in defense. A number of wrestlers stepped between them and held the two apart. When JBL broke free, he went towards Styles, who "nailed him perfectly with a pretty good shot" according to one witness, laying JBL out, busting him open and blackening his eye.
Raw
First Slammy: Tag Team of the Year.
Miz and Morrison. YAY. They thank, among others, Admiral Akabar. They get on the haterz, everyone who said 'no, you can't', well YES WE DID.
Post acceptance-speech, Morrison scampers off to his IC semi-final match against Punk. Regal, in a swank 3-piecer watches, impatiently I may add, while Jericho fetches his tea. Punk and Morrison, not about to be upstaged by weird serving fetishes that no one wants to indulge Opera in even though it's the holiday season A TIME FOR GIVING, put on a balls-out fantastic match. It gets me creamy in the middle. Backbreaker to legsweep combo. Had I not pined for one or the other mere days ago? At least some people (in v. tiny pants to boot) are down with the season's spirit. More cool moves. Glorious, sweet everything. Morrison counters one of Punk's kicks with a cartwheel kick of his own. Slick as CGI stuff from the Matrix. Morrison sold Punk's finisher for twice the value. Whee.
Recap from last Monday: Jericho looks good in suits, has oily, mostly naked goons. More to come!
Todd! SurpriseTodd is backstage and he drew the short straw on having to interview Cena. He brought a can of Coke because if Cena says "poop" you gotta drink. Instead of poop, Cena just pisses and moans about Jericho not knowing the meaning of hustle. OH HE KNOWS. But, wait. Cena's talking about another definition of "hustle'. This I agree with. Regal is still waiting on that tea. However, it turns out the "hustle" Cena means is some definition that he made up. Then he promises to beat up Jericho.
As the Slammy statues stare into each other's glowing crotches, the award for best finisher goes to Evan Bourne.Edge Mike Knox arrives on scene to glower. Pretty cruisers make his crotch hot with the no-no anger.
Randy sans pants shows up to bitch about Evolution. Still on that? Sheesh. He's worse than the co-worker who brings up her divorce all the time. He breaks down Evolution as such:
HHH = the star.
Ric = the legend
Batista = the muscle bitch
Randy = the prettiest girl at the dance.
He changes up the main event for tonight, because I guess there's a booking badge hidden in the pants he's not wearing.
Next up, MVP vs. Most Valuable Charlie. This match is mostly notable for Charlie demostrating to MVP how easily one's junk jiggles in an unattractive way when encased in MVP's style of ring attire. MVP is convinced and promises junk reform.
Slammy: Most Extreme Moment.
First a bit of history. It was the 20's, see. A time of gangsters and bootleggers and easy money, see. And Big Show wanted in, see. He knew Capone needed a big goon, a real tough guy to put the screws to the competition, see. So Show got himself a pinstripe zoot suit, see. Flamboyant, see. He worked for Capone, busting kneecaps and offing coppers until he met this dame, see. A church-going, Sunday-school teachin' class act. She laid it down on him, see. She could love him, but she couldn't love a gangster, see. Either he got straight and went to work in her daddy's peppermint factory or he could kiss her goodbye, see. Free peppermints beat listening to the howls of coppers with busted kneecaps so Big Show took his giant pinstriped zoot suit, and he crumpled it up, let it get crusty and pilled, and then he tossed it in a trash heap.
Where 80 years later, the Precious found it, found that it fit perfectly at the waist though the coat hung to his knees AND DECIDED TO WEAR IT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
Precious, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Jeff wins most extreme moment. And he celebrates by reciting as his acceptance speech his Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest entry. "It all started years ago on a trampoline in North Carolina."
In order to get Matt and shitty suit off TV as quickly as possible, Jeff and Chris wrestle. Well, they try to. They're too busy snickering about Matt's suit. The match is fine, but short and really, I'm too busy imagining all the fic possibilities that come from the idea of Taker, enraged at losing the Most Extreme Moment Slammy to Jeff takes out his brutal, non-conny revenge on the Precious. It's almost Christmas, people and fictional!M. Hardys wear no ill-sized zoot suits.
Before commercial, Randy and Cody and Manu leave Steph's office. They appear tranquil and relieved. Steph, don't bother trying dry cleaning. Just buy a new purse.
Slammy: Couple of the Year. Excuse me, Vickie and Mike Knox Edge win. Beth and Santino ain't happy. Santino says "Moar lyke Cougar of the Year. Am I rite?"
Hornswoggle/Finlay and Beth and Santino wrestle, but I switch over the Bucs/Panthers game to watch my FF dreams go down in crap. I LOST BY ONE POINT THANKS TO THE GODDAMN KICKER KICKING LIKE HE GETS PAID TO KICK WELL AND OFTEN.
Back on Raw, Beth wins the Slammy for Diva of the Year. She and Melina catfight all over the place, and it sorta kinda looks like how I imagine a slumber party with me and YesDrizella might go.
Another Slammy. OMG! moment. Out comes Joey with the foxy Alicia Fox. Who I can't tell if she's the wedding planner that boffed Edge or not. Anyway, Joey has been sticking his chocolate into Edge's butterscotch. The fattness in WWE, it must be quelled. Though, if it makes Joey punch out JBL more often, I say Let the Butterscotch FLOW.
Punk wins the OMG moment. During his acceptance speech, he assures us that he is wearing pants. My panties quiver. THEN HE THANKS COLT. Philadephia, we have wiggle pants.
Kofi and Rey wrestle very quickly while Regal waits v.v.v.v.v.v.v impatiently for his tea. Damn that Cena. ROONER OF EVERYTHING I LIKE A LOT.
Slammy: Match of the Year. Shawn retires Ric Flair. JBL steals Shawn's trophy. Shawn makes do with the certificate.
HHH and Batista vs. Legacy. Randy has a swollen nipple. I miss Teddy. Batista jobs.
More stuff happened, it was a 3-hour but my note-takin' pen died and I didn't care enough to fetch another. Edge and Steph looked skinny, I remember that. Also, WishtheWorst got a second helping of Jeff/HHH even though I got EL HOOPO in Matt/Glump terror.
Several days into the tour, JBL (who by all accounts, had been drinking) did something that caused Styles to physically retaliate in defense. A number of wrestlers stepped between them and held the two apart. When JBL broke free, he went towards Styles, who "nailed him perfectly with a pretty good shot" according to one witness, laying JBL out, busting him open and blackening his eye.
Raw
First Slammy: Tag Team of the Year.
Miz and Morrison. YAY. They thank, among others, Admiral Akabar. They get on the haterz, everyone who said 'no, you can't', well YES WE DID.
Post acceptance-speech, Morrison scampers off to his IC semi-final match against Punk. Regal, in a swank 3-piecer watches, impatiently I may add, while Jericho fetches his tea. Punk and Morrison, not about to be upstaged by weird serving fetishes that no one wants to indulge Opera in even though it's the holiday season A TIME FOR GIVING, put on a balls-out fantastic match. It gets me creamy in the middle. Backbreaker to legsweep combo. Had I not pined for one or the other mere days ago? At least some people (in v. tiny pants to boot) are down with the season's spirit. More cool moves. Glorious, sweet everything. Morrison counters one of Punk's kicks with a cartwheel kick of his own. Slick as CGI stuff from the Matrix. Morrison sold Punk's finisher for twice the value. Whee.
Recap from last Monday: Jericho looks good in suits, has oily, mostly naked goons. More to come!
Todd! SurpriseTodd is backstage and he drew the short straw on having to interview Cena. He brought a can of Coke because if Cena says "poop" you gotta drink. Instead of poop, Cena just pisses and moans about Jericho not knowing the meaning of hustle. OH HE KNOWS. But, wait. Cena's talking about another definition of "hustle'. This I agree with. Regal is still waiting on that tea. However, it turns out the "hustle" Cena means is some definition that he made up. Then he promises to beat up Jericho.
As the Slammy statues stare into each other's glowing crotches, the award for best finisher goes to Evan Bourne.
Randy sans pants shows up to bitch about Evolution. Still on that? Sheesh. He's worse than the co-worker who brings up her divorce all the time. He breaks down Evolution as such:
HHH = the star.
Ric = the legend
Batista = the muscle bitch
Randy = the prettiest girl at the dance.
He changes up the main event for tonight, because I guess there's a booking badge hidden in the pants he's not wearing.
Next up, MVP vs. Most Valuable Charlie. This match is mostly notable for Charlie demostrating to MVP how easily one's junk jiggles in an unattractive way when encased in MVP's style of ring attire. MVP is convinced and promises junk reform.
Slammy: Most Extreme Moment.
First a bit of history. It was the 20's, see. A time of gangsters and bootleggers and easy money, see. And Big Show wanted in, see. He knew Capone needed a big goon, a real tough guy to put the screws to the competition, see. So Show got himself a pinstripe zoot suit, see. Flamboyant, see. He worked for Capone, busting kneecaps and offing coppers until he met this dame, see. A church-going, Sunday-school teachin' class act. She laid it down on him, see. She could love him, but she couldn't love a gangster, see. Either he got straight and went to work in her daddy's peppermint factory or he could kiss her goodbye, see. Free peppermints beat listening to the howls of coppers with busted kneecaps so Big Show took his giant pinstriped zoot suit, and he crumpled it up, let it get crusty and pilled, and then he tossed it in a trash heap.
Where 80 years later, the Precious found it, found that it fit perfectly at the waist though the coat hung to his knees AND DECIDED TO WEAR IT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
Precious, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Jeff wins most extreme moment. And he celebrates by reciting as his acceptance speech his Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest entry. "It all started years ago on a trampoline in North Carolina."
In order to get Matt and shitty suit off TV as quickly as possible, Jeff and Chris wrestle. Well, they try to. They're too busy snickering about Matt's suit. The match is fine, but short and really, I'm too busy imagining all the fic possibilities that come from the idea of Taker, enraged at losing the Most Extreme Moment Slammy to Jeff takes out his brutal, non-conny revenge on the Precious. It's almost Christmas, people and fictional!M. Hardys wear no ill-sized zoot suits.
Before commercial, Randy and Cody and Manu leave Steph's office. They appear tranquil and relieved. Steph, don't bother trying dry cleaning. Just buy a new purse.
Slammy: Couple of the Year. Excuse me, Vickie and
Hornswoggle/Finlay and Beth and Santino wrestle, but I switch over the Bucs/Panthers game to watch my FF dreams go down in crap. I LOST BY ONE POINT THANKS TO THE GODDAMN KICKER KICKING LIKE HE GETS PAID TO KICK WELL AND OFTEN.
Back on Raw, Beth wins the Slammy for Diva of the Year. She and Melina catfight all over the place, and it sorta kinda looks like how I imagine a slumber party with me and YesDrizella might go.
Another Slammy. OMG! moment. Out comes Joey with the foxy Alicia Fox. Who I can't tell if she's the wedding planner that boffed Edge or not. Anyway, Joey has been sticking his chocolate into Edge's butterscotch. The fattness in WWE, it must be quelled. Though, if it makes Joey punch out JBL more often, I say Let the Butterscotch FLOW.
Punk wins the OMG moment. During his acceptance speech, he assures us that he is wearing pants. My panties quiver. THEN HE THANKS COLT. Philadephia, we have wiggle pants.
Kofi and Rey wrestle very quickly while Regal waits v.v.v.v.v.v.v impatiently for his tea. Damn that Cena. ROONER OF EVERYTHING I LIKE A LOT.
Slammy: Match of the Year. Shawn retires Ric Flair. JBL steals Shawn's trophy. Shawn makes do with the certificate.
HHH and Batista vs. Legacy. Randy has a swollen nipple. I miss Teddy. Batista jobs.
More stuff happened, it was a 3-hour but my note-takin' pen died and I didn't care enough to fetch another. Edge and Steph looked skinny, I remember that. Also, WishtheWorst got a second helping of Jeff/HHH even though I got EL HOOPO in Matt/Glump terror.
