Smackdown

Oct. 27th, 2007 02:46 pm
opera142: (crayons)
[personal profile] opera142
The episode where M. Hardy tried to kick his own eye out, and Rey helped!

Smackdown kicks off with a multi-mega interview scene. It's the VIP lounge, and loungin' are MVP. M. Hardy, Rey Mysterio, and Finlay. Too bad no one gets along. Well, Rey and Matt sorta because faces always like faces. But MVP and Finlay aren't about get just because they got heelin' in common. In between the bickerin' and fussin' about who dislike who the mostest, details about Cyber Sunday emerge.

Highlights
No matter the vote, M. Hardy will be fully clothed.
No oil, for anyone
Rey's pants are as awful as M. Hardy's.
Rey's belt is much worse than Matt's.
Later, Rey and Finlay will team up to battle Matt and MVP in an Everyone Else Has Quit The Company or Got Caught With 'Roids match.

Backstage, some broad with a microphone wants to know that since the last three chicks, Rebecca especially, who held her job all spent their evenings boinking Batista, and since she herself has been boinking Batista as recently as last night, who topped afterwards, last week when JBL interviewed Batista?

Wrestling-wise, the show finally gets around to a Kane vs. Mark Henry match. Michael Cole laments the fact that Undertaker "literally stole Mark Henry's soul." Literally. He has it in a jar. Cole's seen it. Taker used to carry it around with him, but with stricter regulations it's a bitch getting in through airport security.

Mark busts out a bear hug, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why Kane doesn't just knee Henry in his gelantious junk. After a while though, Kane has enough of that shit and it's a chokeslame finish.

JBL 4 REF. He's campaigning like a mofo. He made Cole put on a JBL button. Mmm. Forced attire/psuedo-branding. Buttons: *pushed* Indy wrestlers trot out to toss t-shirts to the crowd. They're not trusted with t-shirt gun. That's only for Diva Search winners.

Speaking of the Diva Search. I still have no idea what's doing on, but this week there was roleplaying and a handcuffed Todd, and Todd being threatened both verbally and with a nightstick and bossed around and spanked and told to strip and HOT DAMN.

Meanwhile, Cole is standing atop the ramp. Holy cannoli, Cole got fat. ZOMG Tazz feeder fetish. Bread Pudding Piggie! Oink, oink bitch. Yeah piggie, gobble it down! Then for some reason JBL says "Nostra-freakin'-damus".

Matt and Rey bring their bad-panted selves down for a match against each other but with their partners who they don't like as much as they like each other even though there is some tension because of the whole Cruiserweight fiasco a few years ago and also because they're men and they don't express their feelings very well.

And the match, though not *****, dramatizes everything I love about wrestling. 2/3rd of the way through, Matt either injures himself or "injures" himself. A botched DDT hurricarana resulted in either a boot to the eye of Matt or the quick but overzealous blade job. Matt bleeds at 60 mph. The ring and his hair are sopped within seconds. Co-wrestlers are speckled with the stuff. The match keeps going, and this is where in the kudos come in. If it's an "injury", kudos to Matt for blading that quick, while upside down and powering through as obvious mistake. If it's a legit injury, kudos for that match coming off the way it did. There was a spot where Matt was supposed to take the 619, and he's in the position, but thorugh some fanangling and tripping MVP ends up 619-ready as well, and takes the brunt of the move. Rey gets to play conflicted face; Finlay gets to look like the blood-smelling shark. Brill!

I'm guessing that the 619 spot could have planned that way in advance and that maybe Rey just ad-libbed the OH NOES part, but you know what, I DON"T CARE. It was compelling, it was fun, I had a blast putting aside "it's scripted" and just flat out enjoying the story being told in the ring. That's why I love wrestling.

Backstage, Jamie Noble hints that he and Vickie should have a "bedroom pillow match." Dude, Eddie will haunt your days! Vickie suggests a Jamie Noble vs. Batista match instead. Jamie's all "Oh hell no, that senior citizen is all orney and shit ever since his blood pressure meds screwed up his ability to get hard-ons. And have you seen the ears on that feller, they could swipe a body right out of the ring, like an evil Dumbo or something. Hell no, no fighting Batista!"

But there is. Sorta. Jobbing actually. Then Batista hits the announce table while Cole heads to the concession stand and JBL talks about the weather. Then JBL talks at Undertaker, and at some points there's a chokeslame or other finisher and the show ends.

Date: 2007-10-27 10:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] topknot.livejournal.com
Speaking of the Diva Search. I still have no idea what's doing on, but this week there was roleplaying and a handcuffed Todd, and Todd being threatened both verbally and with a nightstick and bossed around and spanked and told to stripe and HOT DAMN

Please tell me there is video of this somewhere.

Matt either injures himself or "injures" himself. A botched DDT resulted in either a boot to the eye of Matt or the quick but overzealous blade job. Matt bleeds at 60 mph.

It's times like this I regret not watching SD on anything approximating a regular basis. I know it's shallow and low-brow but I love a good bloody match. If the one doing the bleeding is on the UNF list, so much the better!

Date: 2007-10-28 12:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] topknot.livejournal.com
UNF = a gutteral grunt signifying arousal and/or a very great attraction towards some form of pretty

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