Wrestling: Raw

[opera142]

Poor Mr. McMahon, he's still trying to get everyone to talk about No Mercy. Dude, the forums want to discuss Jericho! So Vince starts a new thread: Everyone Has To Shake Randy's Hand. I'm psyched! I like faces forced to do what they don't want to. Everyone else goes back to talking about Jericho.

Vince tries yet again to change the subject, by bringing up Cyber Sunday. Cyber Sunday where the choice is never M. Hardy and Carlito wearing nothing but fairy wings, wrestling in a fountain. Vince claims I'm the matchmaker in Cyber Sunday. Dude, I'm the matchmaker in fandom too, and in fandom there's always the choice of bewinged Precious' frolicking in fountains.

HHH stomps out, pantless, but wearing the head Ace bandage of "Serious Bidness, I Mean It." Pissed about losing his title, probably. Or maybe Randy took a celebratory dump in his shaving kit. My first Cyber Sunday vote is for C) both.

After some bickering, a match between Randy and HHH is made FOR TONIGHT. Then Mr. McMahon dogs out the fans HHH by adding Umaga into the mix.

After a whole bunch of commercials, Beth Phoenix comes out with Ashley's bad hair and a theme song by Kraftwerk. Flock of Seagulls? Something keyboardy and danceable in a deep, robotic way. Five other diva's follow: Jillian who should join HHH's pantless tribe, Milena, Mickie, Maria and Candice Michelle. Mickie got tangled in the ropes, and messed up her foot. Unless she was just selling. Which is totally possible. I'm such a dupe with a fake injuries. The Pretty Pink Faces win. Take that mean girls!

Regal with extraordinarily ill-kempt hair, the kind of hair one can only get from entire afternoons spent making the hell out with Carlito, is decorationg his office. Aw, Steph discovered curtain fic.

Back in the arena, history is indeed made as Jerry Lawler cracks FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER a pun that is in fact funny. He claims Santino is Italian and his hands are Roman. It's funny for the King, okay.

Save_us.222 promo: Key phrase this time is Rev_22:12, which says "Remember I am coming soon. I bring with me the reward that will be given to each man as his conduct deserves."

Would superChristian Jericho want to horn in on Jesus' gig like that? I fear Edge more and more.

JR and Jerry are not prone to religious discussions. They're back to HHH's just starting "But Now Whatever Will Be the Mainevet If This Is Happening Now" match against Randy and Umaga.

JR: This is a horse of an entirely different color that The Game must now attempt to ride.

Opera: Don't ever say that again, plz.

JR: Randy has a bulls eye on that well-chisled chest of his.

Opera: Stop it!

JR: Orton and Umaga with a double-pronged assault on Triple H.

Opera: Save_ME.222

JR: Orton's in the mount position, hammering Triple H.

Opera: *cries*

JR: This has Mr. McMahon's DNA all over it.

Opera: *lies dying*

Long segment, short: HHH gets the everloving crap kicked outta him. He does the agonized walk of shame up the ramp because he used his backstage clout to ensure not only a five minute entrance, but a five minute exit. Ha, Austin never got that! Midway up, Mr. McMahon orders Triple H to be the first among the roster to shake Randy's hand later tonight. DAMMIT. Groveling of faces before a Heel overlord can be scratched. I SO WANTED GROVELING.

The Pretty London and Kendrick bring the flippy, then the Pretty Lillian sings in Spanish. Her halter top is barely held together by shiny hoops. I am enchanted. Santino re-appears and tells the Pretty Lillian to "Scram-ola" then he croons. "They try to make watch The Condemned but I said 'No, No, No" Ah, snarky foreign boys. I miss Sylvain. il sigh.

Then Jeff scampers to the ring for a match with Mr. Kennedy. AND THE MATCH WAS SUPER FUN. Flippy and snark and falling Jeff everywhere. Jeff won, will Mr. Kennedy ever defeat a Hardy?

At the handshaking ceremony, Trips fails to show. Thus no faces having to do what they don't want to. Mr. McMahon sends Randy to fetch HHH. Shawn Michaels with a scruffy beard (no, not Ashley) and a white cowboy hat shows up with a fistfull of superkicks. Ka-pow! Randy down.