GIP, Babble and SD!
Feb. 11th, 2006 11:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
opera142Babble: Finally got my mitts on the Raw mag with Rob. It was sold out at the first couple of places I tried. Two things I noticed:
Headline: There's no room anymore for people that suck. Rob needs a beta.
and, because I was in such a swoon over his nipples, I failed to notice MORMON PANTIES. Giant, gray ones. Rob! For shame.
The show started off with a montage of stuff I didn't care about last week either. To recap, Randy said inappropriate things about dead people, Rey took spastic offense. They will settle their differences in the ring at No Way Out. Because in the wrestling world, it isn't about being right, it's about still standing.
First match is a 4 way featuring Benoit, M. Hardy, JBL and Orlando Jordon for the opportunity to wrestle for the US Belt at No Way Out.
Of course, the match ended with the Precious tapping. How else is Smackdown ever booked? Booker T and Sharmell provided some fantastic commentary-- "he taps more than Gregory Hines; That ref counts too slow; Lord Almighty, I thought Benoit was going to win" Benoit superplexed Jordan. Benoit 3 Amigo'd JBL. Benoit Rolling German'd Jordan. Benoit gotsuplexed by M. Hardy. Whee. The precious gets one bout of offense per week, and this week it was on TV! Then came a Crippler Crossface...
Tag Team Title Bout: MnM Vs. London and Spanky "The Carefree Daredevils"
No, sadly I am not making that up. The first time Cole called them that, I thought it was a simple example of Cole brand Nerdery. But he kept at it, and Tazz even reluctantly said "Daredevil". NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Maybe I can become their valet, The Stayfree Daredevil.
Glorious Flippy-flippy. London will backflip anywhere, anytime. Mercury stole my idea-- pick up Spanky and use him as a weapon to hit London with. Alas, despite Glorious Flippy-flippy and carefree daredeviling, MnM won.
They strutted backstage when they encountered a sniveling M. Hardy. Melina sent the boys packing, then cozied up to M. Hardy and offered "To scratch his back if he scratches hers."
Moe: Your boy has a storyline. You should be happy.
Me: NO! For it will not be Noble-face M. Hardy conflicted between the desire to win and the desire to be an honorable person. This will only lead to M. Hardy tagging with bloated-face Animal and a small, ass-awful feud with MnM.
Randy Orton w/o Bob, but with combed hair and pants Sets The Record Straight. He babbled about dissing on Eddie, then decided to show him some footage. Flashbacks are canon!
During the showing of the footage, Young Randall disappeared.
Tazz: Maybe he was overcome with emotion.
Me: Maybe he saw a hat.
Eventually, through the use of Milk Carton want-ads, a 300 man search-team, and 1 WWE camera, Young Randall is found in a low-rider, driving to the ring. Standing erectly upon the ramp, he learned us on his master plan.
"I used Eddie's name to rile Rey. I wanted to make Rey angry enough that he'd put up his Wrestlemania shot."
Gee, thanks for 'splaining that. Human motivation oftentimes artfully dodges my meager, wrestling-fan brain. I would have never seen you as cunning or clever. Would you like to lick lead paint with me sometime?
Tazz: Orton deserves to be knocked out.
Helms Vs. Nunzio for the Cruiserweight belt. Kid Kash stood idly by. Whatever could he doing. Perhaps next week, he'll tell us in simplistic terms.
Midway through the match, Helms stole Jericho's 'Come On, Baby!' cover-- the one where he placed one foot lightly upon a fallen opponent, flexed for the crowd and expected that to gain him a pinfall.
A few years ago, in the midst of some serious Helms/Jericho musing, I would have been overly, spastically gleeful. Now, with that relationship having crashed and burned due to Helms being a selfish twat, I felt only hatred. Old musing dies hard, I guess.
Helms finished the match with a homoerotic cover. Pure missionary position. Back arched. Neck straining. OOOOH expression.
Most insane backstage moment ever. Ever. A pack of terribly obese midgets are roaming about, eating ham. Palmer Canon lords above them, being interview by Kristal. Mr. Kennedy interrupts but before he can get to the second 'Kennedy', bursting through the wall Kool-Aid Man-style is The Pirate Paul Burchill. Think a blond, heavily-muscled but just as fond of eyeliner Jack Sparrow. They all say hello, and the segment ends.
Junior Division match. And it wasn't horrible. 4 way action with 3 midgets and husky dwarf. One little guy dressed in white was the Rey of midget wrestling. Best move: while his opponent runs the ropes, little Rey simply follows behind them. When they'd go to hit a move, omg! where is he. Oh, bless his crafty heart, he's behind them. Funny, stuff. Midget division got a pass.
From me, at least. Finlay was having none of it. He charged the ring, wielding his staff of +10 against dwarfs and proceeded to destroy the little guys. They tried to flee over the barricade, but Finlay was there, dealing death. Midgets corpses everywhere. Oh the humanity.
ME: Taker Vs. Mark Henry
The ring creaked when those two started pushing each other around. Because a clean job by either of them would ruin wrestling forever, MnM and Daivari and Kurt Angle had to run-in. All was clusterfuck as the show drew to a close
Headline: There's no room anymore for people that suck. Rob needs a beta.
and, because I was in such a swoon over his nipples, I failed to notice MORMON PANTIES. Giant, gray ones. Rob! For shame.
The show started off with a montage of stuff I didn't care about last week either. To recap, Randy said inappropriate things about dead people, Rey took spastic offense. They will settle their differences in the ring at No Way Out. Because in the wrestling world, it isn't about being right, it's about still standing.
First match is a 4 way featuring Benoit, M. Hardy, JBL and Orlando Jordon for the opportunity to wrestle for the US Belt at No Way Out.
Of course, the match ended with the Precious tapping. How else is Smackdown ever booked? Booker T and Sharmell provided some fantastic commentary-- "he taps more than Gregory Hines; That ref counts too slow; Lord Almighty, I thought Benoit was going to win" Benoit superplexed Jordan. Benoit 3 Amigo'd JBL. Benoit Rolling German'd Jordan. Benoit gotsuplexed by M. Hardy. Whee. The precious gets one bout of offense per week, and this week it was on TV! Then came a Crippler Crossface...
Tag Team Title Bout: MnM Vs. London and Spanky "The Carefree Daredevils"
No, sadly I am not making that up. The first time Cole called them that, I thought it was a simple example of Cole brand Nerdery. But he kept at it, and Tazz even reluctantly said "Daredevil". NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Maybe I can become their valet, The Stayfree Daredevil.
Glorious Flippy-flippy. London will backflip anywhere, anytime. Mercury stole my idea-- pick up Spanky and use him as a weapon to hit London with. Alas, despite Glorious Flippy-flippy and carefree daredeviling, MnM won.
They strutted backstage when they encountered a sniveling M. Hardy. Melina sent the boys packing, then cozied up to M. Hardy and offered "To scratch his back if he scratches hers."
Moe: Your boy has a storyline. You should be happy.
Me: NO! For it will not be Noble-face M. Hardy conflicted between the desire to win and the desire to be an honorable person. This will only lead to M. Hardy tagging with bloated-face Animal and a small, ass-awful feud with MnM.
Randy Orton w/o Bob, but with combed hair and pants Sets The Record Straight. He babbled about dissing on Eddie, then decided to show him some footage. Flashbacks are canon!
During the showing of the footage, Young Randall disappeared.
Tazz: Maybe he was overcome with emotion.
Eventually, through the use of Milk Carton want-ads, a 300 man search-team, and 1 WWE camera, Young Randall is found in a low-rider, driving to the ring. Standing erectly upon the ramp, he learned us on his master plan.
"I used Eddie's name to rile Rey. I wanted to make Rey angry enough that he'd put up his Wrestlemania shot."
Gee, thanks for 'splaining that. Human motivation oftentimes artfully dodges my meager, wrestling-fan brain. I would have never seen you as cunning or clever. Would you like to lick lead paint with me sometime?
Tazz: Orton deserves to be knocked out.
Helms Vs. Nunzio for the Cruiserweight belt. Kid Kash stood idly by. Whatever could he doing. Perhaps next week, he'll tell us in simplistic terms.
Midway through the match, Helms stole Jericho's 'Come On, Baby!' cover-- the one where he placed one foot lightly upon a fallen opponent, flexed for the crowd and expected that to gain him a pinfall.
A few years ago, in the midst of some serious Helms/Jericho musing, I would have been overly, spastically gleeful. Now, with that relationship having crashed and burned due to Helms being a selfish twat, I felt only hatred. Old musing dies hard, I guess.
Helms finished the match with a homoerotic cover. Pure missionary position. Back arched. Neck straining. OOOOH expression.
Most insane backstage moment ever. Ever. A pack of terribly obese midgets are roaming about, eating ham. Palmer Canon lords above them, being interview by Kristal. Mr. Kennedy interrupts but before he can get to the second 'Kennedy', bursting through the wall Kool-Aid Man-style is The Pirate Paul Burchill. Think a blond, heavily-muscled but just as fond of eyeliner Jack Sparrow. They all say hello, and the segment ends.
Junior Division match. And it wasn't horrible. 4 way action with 3 midgets and husky dwarf. One little guy dressed in white was the Rey of midget wrestling. Best move: while his opponent runs the ropes, little Rey simply follows behind them. When they'd go to hit a move, omg! where is he. Oh, bless his crafty heart, he's behind them. Funny, stuff. Midget division got a pass.
From me, at least. Finlay was having none of it. He charged the ring, wielding his staff of +10 against dwarfs and proceeded to destroy the little guys. They tried to flee over the barricade, but Finlay was there, dealing death. Midgets corpses everywhere. Oh the humanity.
ME: Taker Vs. Mark Henry
The ring creaked when those two started pushing each other around. Because a clean job by either of them would ruin wrestling forever, MnM and Daivari and Kurt Angle had to run-in. All was clusterfuck as the show drew to a close
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Date: 2006-02-11 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-11 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-11 06:50 pm (UTC)