Smackdown

[opera142]

Smackdown, you had been getting so good. Characterization, the preciouses, flippy-flippies. Why did you throw that away in favor of the Dicks and midgets and Mark Henry. I don't understand... I weep.

Opening promo: Rey blathering about Eddie helping him win the Royal Rumble. I have issues with their use of Eddie in story lines. I'm not offended, I just want it to stop. Rey doesn't need the Eddie rub, it piddles on recent canon-- omg! Eddie is the daddy of Rey's baby--, it stirs up more sadness than fond rememberances. It's not that I want Eddie to be never spoken of again. Just let him rest.

Randy pirouetted his way down to the ring to counter Rey's promo, and uh, apparently he had felt no need to brush his hair or wear pants just because he was on TV. He informed Rey that Eddie isn't in Heaven. He's in Hell. Rey kicked him in the sac.

This is the kind of dialogue I hate. Hate. HATE. Not only did Randy look like a lameass for saying such dumb "put-downs" , but Rey looked like a lameass for getting upset about it. Grrr.

MnM Vs. Mexicools for the tag team titles.

Nitro was rocking the big, black Mormon panties. Woe. SuperCrazy tried to hit a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker (!) but it turned out slow and clunky. Mainly because Joey Mercury was the intended victim, and man, Mercury has been getting husky. Like, needs-a-new-kidney-type bloated. The match had plenty of fun flippy-flippy. Had I but known of the upcoming segments, I would have spent the rest of the morning rewatching that match rather than cringing through the rest of the show.

Backstage, Booker T and Sharmell were pestered by the Boogeyman. Both were hilarious as terrified, crying heels. Sharmell ran off, not waiting for her injured man to catch up.

Where Smackdown began to reek worse than scented pads

--JBL sauntered out and cut himself a "shoot" promo. I have no idea if he was trying to mock smarks or if "half-informed internet-mark" is his new gimmick. He claimed to be tired of "jobbing" to "guys who have the look" but can't wrestle.

Silly JBL, you can't be a card-carrying member of the IWC until you make two consecutive posts. One decryng Vince's treatment of women, and the other drooling over The5thHorseman's collection of Jackie Gayda nipslips.

--Lashley Vs. The Dicks.

I want to like Lashley. I really do. He seems so nice. But nice isn't charisma. And he has yet to bust out some really cool moves. Putting him against the Dicks was just... bad TV.

-- Lashley Vs. The Dicks wasn't bad enough. SD! re-debuted the midget the division. Why? Why? Why? Why is there room for midgets but not Spanky or London or Noble or M. Hardy? Yes, sadly thank goodness for Benoit or Smackdown! would have been 100% precious-free.

--Repeated airings of Undertaker's weak lightning show at the Royal Rumble. Taker on a chariot is funnier than just about any other moment of wrestlecrap. At first, I was tempted to make all sorts of Taker=Cinderella jokes-- the chariot looked more like a fairy tale carriage than the evil transportation of Roman despots. Oh noes! He'll turn into a pumpkin if he doesn't win the belt by midnight.

BUT THEN.. my brain turned him into a vile Prince NotCharming.
Taker: You fit this slipper. bitch?
Angle: Uh, no. No that's not my slipper.
Taker: The Hell it ain't. Get over here and be my woman.

Taker and Kurt had some sort of argument, probably about the belt and the circumstances under which to battle for said belt come No Way Out. I didn't pay much attention. I was busy trying to imagine DrinkingProblem!Taker out there, having the same conersation while holding a can of Budweiser and smoking a cigarette. Mid-argument about the belt, dp!Taker could go on all sorts of tangents about loyalty and dead friends and that wife who left him in '93.

Taker disappeared in a flash of darkness, and a blue backlit Kurt was left there, looking like an extra in Tron.

In a desperate attempt to avoid the show totally sucking donkey balls, Kennedy and Benoit allowed cameras into their dressing room. There, they too argued. But unlike Rey/Randy and Kurt/Taker, their argument:
a)made sense
b)sound how actual people might voice disagreement
c)featured Benoit and Kennedy

Kennedy went on and on about Benoit having to wrestle a mystery opponent. At the end of his ranting, Benoit asked simply "You done?"

Fabulous! So Benoit. So diffusing the melodrama. Perfect.

His mystery opponent turned out to Finlay. And the match was good. Booker T. helped out on commentary, and he did an awesome job explaning the history the 3 of them had back in WCW. He slanted it towards himself which given he's a heel I have no problem with. Maybe it's because I watched and loved the original matches, but Booker made that history seem important and alive.

Announcers' table tidbits: Tazz and Cole were dressed EXACTLY alike. Tazz had a can of Diet Pepsi. They were playing footsie under the desk. That's why they get so pissed when someone smashes through their table.

Backstage, Greg Helms was getting interviewed by Crystal. Wow. Helms is aging horribly. All wrinkly and his eyes get beadier by the week. He and Nunzio exchange words. Lamely. Nunzio challenged Helms for the belt, then schooled Helms on the correct way to pronounce "Fuhget abod it". Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame.

Main Event was a tag match Rey/Kurt Vs. Mark/Randy.

The less said the better.

Comments

[saturdayshoes.livejournal.com]

Randy pirouetted his way down to the ring to counter Rey's promo, and uh, apparently he had felt no need to brush his hair or wear pants just because he was on TV.

He may be a luggage vandalizing waste of airtime in most cases, but this is part of why I will always have room for him in my heart. HOwever, I'm kind of relieved I just read your recap and didn't bother watching.

[angstbunny.livejournal.com]

Where Smackdown began to reek worse than scented pads

*dies*

[opera142.livejournal.com]

Thought you'd like that.

[rachel-martin64.livejournal.com]

Man, I live for your recaps.

My husband is out! I can watch the wrestling show tonight and all the men in teensy weensy pants.

I keep telling my husband there are women on the show wearing teensy weensy outfits, but if the price of watching them is to allow me to watch the men, he will forego.

[opera142.livejournal.com]

I'm anxious to hear your opinions!