opera142 | (no subject)

Okay, so like it's my girlfriend vs. WishtheWorst's for the Claire's Boutique Employee of the Month Belt. And my girl, in her bid to become the High Priestess of Orangeness, Slinkiness, and Snarkiness, begins as all good matches should: with a good slapping. WtW's girlfriend cakes a moonsault; my girl laughs. Then jobs BECAUSE WISHTHEWORST GETS WHAT EVERY SHE WANTS. STEPHY, LET'S TAKE THE BELT FROM MARYSE AND GIVE IT TO MY GIRLFRIEND JUST LIKE HOW YOU MAKE ALL THE OTHER WRESTLERS GIVE HUNTER THE BELT. THEN WE'LL LAUGH SOME MORE ABOUT GIVING JERICHO A BUTLER.

Showmiz head to the ring to complain. WHY DOES WISHTHEWORST ALWAYS GET HER WAY? WHY ISN'T OPERA'S WAY EVER PICKED? GEEZ. But then, they accidently brush against each other, and sometimes when they touch, the honesty's too much, and Show takes up a microphone and admits that Miz is a keeper. Miz agrees: WE'RE SPECIAL.

The most specialest tag team ever. Bret Hart strolls out to refute the tag team part. He runs down a list of people in streamers who wrestled dynamically in early 90's.

Cole: Bret is accurate!

WTF?

Anyway, thank God, this eventually morphs into a tag match between Showmiz and the Hart Dynasty. By tag match I mean, Smith mounts Miz all over the ring. Until Show plays too rough with a kidney punch.

Backstage, Batistia orders David Ortuga to fetch him coffee. THAT'S ENOUGH STEPH. I WILL NOT BE MOCKED.

Frontside, Carlito vs. Evan Bourne bring serious flippy. Oooh, head scissors takedown. Carlito squabbles with the ref, but it does him no good. He stinks like precious, and therefore must job.

David Otunga vs. John Cena in a match no one, anywhere wants to see. Except, I guess, Batista. But, he pretty much came around for Otunga's strip down. Then he paced the ramp like he was in the maternity ward, awaiting Twig and baby.

GUESS WHO WON.

Sheamus gloats over the push that has come his pale way-- all for wielding the OTPCHATFICLOL pipe on Steph's behalf. Kofi bursts into the forum, furious with TRU FAX GUIS. Sheamus is TOTES gaelic for "size 12 sockpuppet" and TOTES responsible for the clogging the last kink meme with "Hunter and Jeff cry in each other's arms over the thought that they might have hurt Steph" and "Anyone who writes M.Hardy/Taker non-con is a nerd" and "Jericho has a butler. Isn't it funny that Jericho has a butler?"

Sheamus, enraged, goes OTPCHATFICLOL buck on Kofi. Monitor to the head! T

Surprise! Vlad. And Carlito is sweaty and half-naked. And they are snarking. And Carlito demands to be drafted to Smackdown. Oh fondest dreams. Christian too. And Vlad and Maryse and WishtheWorst's ugly-belt-stealin' girlfriend and Randy and Teddy and Regal. Raw can have Edge, Cryme Tyme, Michelle McCool, Layla and Dolph Ziggler.

Randy vs. Batista. Meh. I'm sleepy.

(no subject)

It's a little funny that Jericho has a butler.