Sign: Sheamus Eat a Potato
Jan. 11th, 2010 10:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
opera142Raw from Target Center
No Jericho, no M. Hardy, no Punk, no Helms, no Christian, no Morrison, no William Regal; lots of Mike Tyson, Sheamus, Jerry Lawler, and Cena. Yeah right, I'd cough up a Benjamin for a pair of tickets.
The opener only confirms the righteousness of my tightfistedness. Tyson giggles and wanders around until the ghost of Sheamus Present floats in. Having little patience for neither giggling nor haunting, Randy saunters out to scowl.
Scowl, he does. Well-oiledly. Then Cena stomps out to RUIN EVERYTHING GEEZ. He gibbers about some video game he played. Dude, that is what your Twitter is for. Kofi trots out next. And why not? There's at least 8 more minutes to fill before commercial. A "CM PUNK" chant fires up. Hear that, Steph? That's my people talking!
First match: Alicia Fox vs. Kelly Kelly. I didn't spend 100 bucks to watch it!
Second match: Cody & Teddy vs. Evan and Mark Henry. Unremarkable other than Cody's BONER at the end. I guess being dragged to his rescue by Teddy does it for him.
Backstage, Steph trots out Jericho to try to make me sorry I didn't go, and I admit, Jericho's suit rated v.v.v. highly on the Oh, It's Tasty chart. But then, Jericho mentions some nonsense about a DX vs. Jericho/Tyson match. What.Ever.Steph.
Third match: Randy and Cena and Kofi have a 3-way for the chance at Sheamus one-on-one. Of note is Randy, sweaty and exhausted, on his knees, wrists tangled in the ropes. Mr. Regal and I approve. Randy, shining under that approval, goes on to pin Kofi with his crotch. Good boy!
In his Guest Host office, Tyson tells Hornswoggle if he interfers with his match, Tyson will "rip out his intestines and jump rope with them; pull out his brains, wrap them in newspaper and throw them against the window like Silly Putty."
Returning from commercial, but still backstage Raw presents Miz. Miz spills Hot Gossip about locker room politics (don't eat chicken sandwiches; you will get teh_bannzed). Even though he's totally over it. He's got his own dressing room now. Shared locker rooms are for the Evan Bournes and MVPs.
This prompts MVP to go on a long, v. boring rant touching on classism and fauna and gucci shoes and how often one is pressed into "licking the wounds of other animals while caged in prison."
Fourth match: Katie Lea vs WishtheWorst's girlfriend, Eve. My Maryse is stuck with Lawler. Poor thing. Eve wins, Maryse pleads "Omg, come get me!"
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Carlito is wearing a headband. So cute.
Mainevent: DX vs. Jericho/Tyson. Eef-a-roni. Jericho pulls HHH's hair; HBK pulls Jericho's trunks. Jericho gets swerved, then knocked out.
No Jericho, no M. Hardy, no Punk, no Helms, no Christian, no Morrison, no William Regal; lots of Mike Tyson, Sheamus, Jerry Lawler, and Cena. Yeah right, I'd cough up a Benjamin for a pair of tickets.
The opener only confirms the righteousness of my tightfistedness. Tyson giggles and wanders around until the ghost of Sheamus Present floats in. Having little patience for neither giggling nor haunting, Randy saunters out to scowl.
Scowl, he does. Well-oiledly. Then Cena stomps out to RUIN EVERYTHING GEEZ. He gibbers about some video game he played. Dude, that is what your Twitter is for. Kofi trots out next. And why not? There's at least 8 more minutes to fill before commercial. A "CM PUNK" chant fires up. Hear that, Steph? That's my people talking!
First match: Alicia Fox vs. Kelly Kelly. I didn't spend 100 bucks to watch it!
Second match: Cody & Teddy vs. Evan and Mark Henry. Unremarkable other than Cody's BONER at the end. I guess being dragged to his rescue by Teddy does it for him.
Backstage, Steph trots out Jericho to try to make me sorry I didn't go, and I admit, Jericho's suit rated v.v.v. highly on the Oh, It's Tasty chart. But then, Jericho mentions some nonsense about a DX vs. Jericho/Tyson match. What.Ever.Steph.
Third match: Randy and Cena and Kofi have a 3-way for the chance at Sheamus one-on-one. Of note is Randy, sweaty and exhausted, on his knees, wrists tangled in the ropes. Mr. Regal and I approve. Randy, shining under that approval, goes on to pin Kofi with his crotch. Good boy!
In his Guest Host office, Tyson tells Hornswoggle if he interfers with his match, Tyson will "rip out his intestines and jump rope with them; pull out his brains, wrap them in newspaper and throw them against the window like Silly Putty."
Returning from commercial, but still backstage Raw presents Miz. Miz spills Hot Gossip about locker room politics (don't eat chicken sandwiches; you will get teh_bannzed). Even though he's totally over it. He's got his own dressing room now. Shared locker rooms are for the Evan Bournes and MVPs.
This prompts MVP to go on a long, v. boring rant touching on classism and fauna and gucci shoes and how often one is pressed into "licking the wounds of other animals while caged in prison."
Fourth match: Katie Lea vs WishtheWorst's girlfriend, Eve. My Maryse is stuck with Lawler. Poor thing. Eve wins, Maryse pleads "Omg, come get me!"
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Carlito is wearing a headband. So cute.
Mainevent: DX vs. Jericho/Tyson. Eef-a-roni. Jericho pulls HHH's hair; HBK pulls Jericho's trunks. Jericho gets swerved, then knocked out.
