Just getting to last week's ECW

Christian is wandering around with a car door. AWESOME. And Matt Stryker just claimed that he's been drinking Slurpees out of Edge all week.

The Chronicles of Raw

The night's onyx waves drifted somberly across the tempest Canadian sky. The summer's heat still smoldered in the Calgary arena. In the stands, people sat. Some ate popcorn or drank beer, and a few held signs made of bright cardboard. Through that teeming mass emerged Randy Orton. Well-oiled. Exceedingly well-oiled. Shamelessly well-oiled.

Well-oiled and clad in tiny pants, he chose this moment to entone about the horrors of rumors and to espouse the gloriousness of facts. It's a dirty, damnable rumor that he's scared of Cena. It's a fact, well and true, that beat Cena at Summerfest he will. Rumors are scoundrels! And if rumors be scoundrels, then gray areas be curs! Know not this everyone? Long Live the Facts!

( Oh, blaring trumpets that doth announce Cena's entrance. )