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Rasslin'
Will Marty kiss Vince even though he still loves Shawn, and Shawn hates Vince for how he hurt him in the past? Find out rite now b-cuz here's the next chappie of
To start, twas Edge and his Ashley-awful hat and his Billy-Gunn-like suck factor. For someone getting an undeserved mega-push and having access to Lita boobie, he sure was surly. Grunted a lot about not headlining Wrestlemania. Should of fucked Steph instead of Lita-- it's no one's fault but your own, Edge.
Foley, the self-proclaimed "Greatest Transitional Champ of All-Time" waddled out, and he and Edge bickered. Edge claimed Foley was rated O-- rated O for over-rated.
After a series of equally devastating snapz!(tm), Foley announced their WM match would be a hardcore match. Ha! Edge, you bitch. Right back to gimmick matches. Hope you job to Taker next year.
Tag Title Match: Big Show & Kane Vs. Val Venis and Viscera.
Kane has a ginormous navel.
Bland as white toast match. No one wrestled poorly, but there was zero tension to the deal. My breasts had a better chance of winning the tag belt than Val and Vis.
Backstage, Todd (squeakies!) interviewed Flair. The Nature Boy has 57 years of limo-riding, jet-flying and kiss-stealing behind him.
Also backstage, Shawn Michaels was dressed in a leotard and suit coat. Perhaps, he had to attend a funeral for a mime after the show.
Also backstage as well, too was Carlito. He muttered en espanol at Maria, then chickened out when asked to translate. I shall do the honors:
Where did you come from lady? And, oooh, won't you take me there? Right away, won't you baby? Tenderoni, you've got to be. Spark my nature. Sugar, fly with me.
No wonder Maria blushed.
All hetting aside, the point of Carlito's interview was to address several key points:
a) The Money In The Bank angle from last week hasn't been dropped yet.
b) There will be 3 qualifying matches upcoming.
c) Carlito will win, but stay clean and avoid the crappy-hat tendencies of previous winners
1st Qualifying match is Rvd Vs. Trevor Murdoch.
Much like the tag match, this was a steaming pile of obvious outcome. Okay match, Rob brought the flippy-floppy, but Trevor didn't cotton much to somersaults. Rob advanced. Trevor once again reneged on his vows of m/m non-connery.
Must there be betrayal in every segment?
Women's title match. Candice Vs. Trish. Candice attacked with her steel wand. Oh noes! Thank the Lord Trish won. Especially because post-match, Mickie got down on her knees and bowed before Trish. Like there isn't enough reasons already to envy Trish.
Big, long, boring verbal exchange between Cena and Triple H.
Triple H claimed Cena has only one big move. As opposed to his two big moves
1. Sticking another dude's head between his legs.
2. Marrying the boss's tubby daughter.
Cena has this to say to Triple H "You got your facts twisted, homie"
Fact: That was the lamest comeback I've ever heard in my entire life. And I spent most of my childhood surrounded by white trash in a small town in Wisconsin.
The blah, blahhh, blah, blahhh, blah, blahhh went on and on and on and on and on. And it was so uninteresting. I was waiting for them to get into stories about that year they worked in the canned corn factory.
A century into the torment, Vince appeared on the tron and announced that HHH and Cena would 'rassle Angle, Rey and Orton on Sat. Night Main Event. It took the threat of Orton to shup them up.
2nd MitB qualifying match. Shelton Vs. Chavo.
Orton ran-in, screwed Chavo, then scurried off into in the crowd, screaming "Ha! Fuck you, Opera. Bet you don't have a crap-in-accessories joke ready tonight!"
Backstage, Shawn (still in the leotard, btw) and Vince argued about the way Vince has been pressuring Marty into rimming. Marty just isn't ready for that yet. He's been hurt in the past. Way too many times. What Marty needs right now is friend. And a ride down to the welfare office.
3rd MitB qualifying match. Carlito Vs. Flair.
Flair chopped gloriously. Carlito sold them marvelously. He should have stolen ice from the announcers' drinks and used them to cool his chop-reddened pecs. Flair won. Why must semi-precious' victories always come at the expense of total-preciouses.
I love how the Spirit Squad have become Vince's new goons.
From now on, whenever I'm asked at pan-fandom communities how I can I possibly find slash within wrestling I will offer up this transcript.
Vince: Get on your knees. I said, get on your knees. On your damn knees, right now.
Marty: *silently waffles, then obeys*
Vince: I'm just gonna unbuckle my belt. Excuse me while I whip this out.
Vince's be-thonged ass quivered as he waited for Marty's soft lips to kiss him there. Marty pleaded that he wanted to be with Vince, but he just wasn't ready for rimming. So Vince suggested they have a 3-some with Chris Masters instead. It got a little rough, and Marty forgot his safe word. So Shawn and his leotard trotted out there to rescue him.
Then it was Shane's turn. Omg, where was HBK when Shawn was being non-conned by Kane? Why didn't Shawn rescue him? What about love for Shane? Shane tried to nudge a few answers out of Shawn by thwapping him in the face with a chair, but Shawn refused to share his feelings.
Will they ever find love?
To start, twas Edge and his Ashley-awful hat and his Billy-Gunn-like suck factor. For someone getting an undeserved mega-push and having access to Lita boobie, he sure was surly. Grunted a lot about not headlining Wrestlemania. Should of fucked Steph instead of Lita-- it's no one's fault but your own, Edge.
Foley, the self-proclaimed "Greatest Transitional Champ of All-Time" waddled out, and he and Edge bickered. Edge claimed Foley was rated O-- rated O for over-rated.
After a series of equally devastating snapz!(tm), Foley announced their WM match would be a hardcore match. Ha! Edge, you bitch. Right back to gimmick matches. Hope you job to Taker next year.
Tag Title Match: Big Show & Kane Vs. Val Venis and Viscera.
Kane has a ginormous navel.
Bland as white toast match. No one wrestled poorly, but there was zero tension to the deal. My breasts had a better chance of winning the tag belt than Val and Vis.
Backstage, Todd (squeakies!) interviewed Flair. The Nature Boy has 57 years of limo-riding, jet-flying and kiss-stealing behind him.
Also backstage, Shawn Michaels was dressed in a leotard and suit coat. Perhaps, he had to attend a funeral for a mime after the show.
Also backstage as well, too was Carlito. He muttered en espanol at Maria, then chickened out when asked to translate. I shall do the honors:
Where did you come from lady? And, oooh, won't you take me there? Right away, won't you baby? Tenderoni, you've got to be. Spark my nature. Sugar, fly with me.
No wonder Maria blushed.
All hetting aside, the point of Carlito's interview was to address several key points:
a) The Money In The Bank angle from last week hasn't been dropped yet.
b) There will be 3 qualifying matches upcoming.
c) Carlito will win, but stay clean and avoid the crappy-hat tendencies of previous winners
1st Qualifying match is Rvd Vs. Trevor Murdoch.
Much like the tag match, this was a steaming pile of obvious outcome. Okay match, Rob brought the flippy-floppy, but Trevor didn't cotton much to somersaults. Rob advanced. Trevor once again reneged on his vows of m/m non-connery.
Must there be betrayal in every segment?
Women's title match. Candice Vs. Trish. Candice attacked with her steel wand. Oh noes! Thank the Lord Trish won. Especially because post-match, Mickie got down on her knees and bowed before Trish. Like there isn't enough reasons already to envy Trish.
Big, long, boring verbal exchange between Cena and Triple H.
Triple H claimed Cena has only one big move. As opposed to his two big moves
1. Sticking another dude's head between his legs.
2. Marrying the boss's tubby daughter.
Cena has this to say to Triple H "You got your facts twisted, homie"
Fact: That was the lamest comeback I've ever heard in my entire life. And I spent most of my childhood surrounded by white trash in a small town in Wisconsin.
The blah, blahhh, blah, blahhh, blah, blahhh went on and on and on and on and on. And it was so uninteresting. I was waiting for them to get into stories about that year they worked in the canned corn factory.
A century into the torment, Vince appeared on the tron and announced that HHH and Cena would 'rassle Angle, Rey and Orton on Sat. Night Main Event. It took the threat of Orton to shup them up.
2nd MitB qualifying match. Shelton Vs. Chavo.
Orton ran-in, screwed Chavo, then scurried off into in the crowd, screaming "Ha! Fuck you, Opera. Bet you don't have a crap-in-accessories joke ready tonight!"
Backstage, Shawn (still in the leotard, btw) and Vince argued about the way Vince has been pressuring Marty into rimming. Marty just isn't ready for that yet. He's been hurt in the past. Way too many times. What Marty needs right now is friend. And a ride down to the welfare office.
3rd MitB qualifying match. Carlito Vs. Flair.
Flair chopped gloriously. Carlito sold them marvelously. He should have stolen ice from the announcers' drinks and used them to cool his chop-reddened pecs. Flair won. Why must semi-precious' victories always come at the expense of total-preciouses.
I love how the Spirit Squad have become Vince's new goons.
From now on, whenever I'm asked at pan-fandom communities how I can I possibly find slash within wrestling I will offer up this transcript.
Vince: Get on your knees. I said, get on your knees. On your damn knees, right now.
Marty: *silently waffles, then obeys*
Vince: I'm just gonna unbuckle my belt. Excuse me while I whip this out.
Vince's be-thonged ass quivered as he waited for Marty's soft lips to kiss him there. Marty pleaded that he wanted to be with Vince, but he just wasn't ready for rimming. So Vince suggested they have a 3-some with Chris Masters instead. It got a little rough, and Marty forgot his safe word. So Shawn and his leotard trotted out there to rescue him.
Then it was Shane's turn. Omg, where was HBK when Shawn was being non-conned by Kane? Why didn't Shawn rescue him? What about love for Shane? Shane tried to nudge a few answers out of Shawn by thwapping him in the face with a chair, but Shawn refused to share his feelings.
Will they ever find love?